How old am I?

How old I really am: 20

Sometimes I feel like I'm in my 30s (or what I assume that would feel like) and other times I feel like I'm under the age of 10.

Things in Paris that make me feel older than I am

1. It's 10:45 pm and it's almost past my usual bedtime (which is part (fine, most) of the reason this post is written in bullet points)

2. I do all of my own grocery shopping and all of my own cooking. While I did this in Seattle, I also had the luxury of having 3 wonderful room mates which meant that it was fairly common to come home and find new milk, bread and bananas in the fridge. It was also common to come home to freshly baked cookies from Allison, Asian breakfast or banana bread from Katherine and the occasional pasta from Samantha (we still love you for your onion chopping abilities!).

3. Going to "work" everyday. While I still don't really see being an au pair as work, it is a daily commitment. Getting up and going to my 7:30 am "Foundations of Professional Nursing" class last quarter usually took more motivation than I had at that hour, which resulted in me skipping it more times than I care to share. However, going to work everyday is easy. There are 3 usually smiling, sometimes grumpy and occasionally crying faces waiting for me and counting on me everyday... I wouldn't even consider letting them down by not showing up. It feels like much more of an obligation even if no one is taking attendance.

4. Responsibility. Yes, I had responsibilities in Seattle...going to school, going to work, doing homework, studying, buying food etc. But in Paris I have responsibilities like not letting my kids run in front of cars, making sure they get to school in the morning, making sure they get home, preventing them from falling down the slide, being a constant presence in their lives, and not losing my mind while doing it all.

5. My old lady grocery cart. Yes, I cracked. I bought a grocery cart which is essentially a large drawstring bag on wheels that comes about up to my hip. Everyone here uses them! I figured out it's because most people do their grocery shopping on the metro and carrying 12 bags isn't practical. But this thing is awesome...don't tell me I don't look cool.

Things in Paris that make me feel under the age of 10

1. My view. I wake up every morning and look out my window at the very top of the Eiffel Tower. I go to sleep every night to the reflection of the spinning light on top of it, shining in my mirror. I can tell you when the light shows start and stop because I have watched them while cooking on so many occasions. I can't even pretend to be tired of that!! I get so excited every time I see it even if it's just the top from my window.

2. How carefree I feel. I am a planner. Those of you who know me well, know that I plan things out, I am organized and I am scheduled. Here, I plan what I'm going to eat for breakfast and that's about it. I don't have to think weeks in advance about a test or when a paper is due. It's so much easier to live in the moment which is a huge reason why I came here. I've never been that "in the moment" person but I'm absolutely loving discovering that side of myself. And I'm going to have oatmeal with raisins and a banana for breakfast...and tea.

3. My kids. The girls love to play "teacher" with me. They make up little worksheets which consist of hearts, circles and rectangles which I then have to recopy and color in. Nursing school should take some cues from them. I always sit in child sized chairs when we play, and the girls sit at the normal person sized chair...wait, it gets better...they wanted me to use their tiny arm chair but my hips didn't fit in it so they had to give me the tiny chair without arms. They found that hilarious.

They LOVE my iPhone camera.

Louis makes me feel young too. He laughs at literally everything. LITERALLY. If we all had a little more of a 2 year old boy mentality, the world would be a happier place. He is really starting to warm up to me and loves to show me books that he can't read or his toys that I've seen everyday. Such little things make him happy.

LOVES books.

4. Other Parisians. Everyday when I'm on the metro, I'm surrounded by stern, focused, busy and stressed out Parisians. Meanwhile, I'm sitting there, listening to my iPod but also listening to the little kid in my head saying "OMG YOU ARE LIVING IN PARIS AAHH". It's a good thing people on the metro (and in general) can't read my mind.

Random things:
1. My host mom made THE BEST meringues I've ever had. She gave me some on Monday night while I was babysitting and I was glad they weren't out too late because I might have cracked and opened the tupperwear containing the rest of them.
2. I've gotten very good at ironing...but only at ironing clothing that is girls size 8 or smaller.
3. Red peppers dipped in peanut butter are surprisingly good. And you eat a vegetable while also satisfying your peanut butter craving.
4. We are going on vacation in 3 weeks which is going to be GREAT.
5. One of my very best friends, Samantha, is coming to visit me after I get back from vacation!
6. Nuit Blanche is this weekend. Google it.
7. I've been here over 1 month!

Thank you for following me for this past month of transition! I'm so lucky to have the support of family and friends. Love you all.